Today was ok, I looked after mum and we watched julie and julia. Not the best movie to watch when your dieting it seriosly made me recosider turning my diet blog into a foodies blog, but I'm still here and not matter how hard I try and convince myself I love food and my body shape doesnt matter, the desire to be thin will always..win.
So I'm fairly certain i stayed below 1000 calories today. I still wont tell you what i eat cause lets just say it involved alot of ciabtta. I dont know why bread id getting the better of me lately. But, tomorrow I shall be bread free.
I know to some of you that seems huge but I'm working on it, as you can see from my last posts staying below 600 cals just made me binge on the weekends. fatass.

Last night didnt end up at great as i wanted it to be. It was asian food and I'm sure some of you may know its hard to watch the portions when your bowl is constantly being piled with food. I made sure not to eat thing i really didnt find enjoyable.

I just got back from the gym. I was feeling pretty lousy this afternoon. I though I had done pretty well in one of my essays and I asked mum to proof read it and she didnt like it. sigh... I did 20 mins on the cross trainer and 20 mins on the tredmil so i guess i burnt about 450 cal. I aim to visit the gym twice tomorrow.

I'm actually really not a smart person. My whole like mum has told me that I had "better marry rich" because apparently I'll never be able to afford my lifestyle. So it kinda sucks that I need help with every bit of academia ( off to the boyfriends house tomorrow for accounting & statistics help) It would really mean alot to my if I could finally reach my goal weight. I know I'm not doing half as well as alot of you but maybe slow and steady wins the race?... ah screw that I WANNA BE SKINNY NOW!!

I know my stomach photos are a little over due now, I was doing to post some last week but to be honest I dont think there is a alot of change ( and i was pmsing) So I'll try and put some up soon.

Can't wait to hear from you all!

The last pic is actially just a bit too skinny for me, but I just thought she looked really elegant and graceful. Something I'll never be which was evident this evening when I fell off my crosstrainer into the man next to me. he wasnt even hot.

Hey girls,
Over the past week I've been fluctuating from 67 to 69 which doesnt depress me too much, just confusing. Hopefully over the next few weeks I can start fluctuating from 65 to 67!!

The past couple of days have been busy and I've been naughty and not counting calories and I'm positive for the new week.

Tonight I'm going for dinner at my grandma's Im really going to try and watch my portions, it'll be good practice. Besides my cousin is like walking thinspo and were blood related so it will give me some indication of what my body will be like when im thin. My cousin and I get along really well and she never use to be this thin, not that she was ever fat just maybe musclier? she did alot of rowing in high school so i guess she bulked up a bit from that. Perhaps I'll try and weed some tips from her, though she always seems to eat like a normal person... shes only 11 months younger than me and i cant stand she hasnt fallen into the 'freshman 15' weight range, hmph.
maybe I can try and get a picture of her tonight to post lol kinda creepy but thinspiring...
Speak soon

So I think I have a body disformic(?) issue. Not the one your thinking of.
scenario no. 1.
I get read for a party, best clothes, hair and make up done etc etc. Looking at myself and I think yes you scrub up quite nicely. Then I see a photo from that night and i have fat thighs, discusting pale face, ferel hair etc etc

scenario no. 2.
Gettin nakey for the shower and I look at myself in the mirror. Your stomach is looking rather flat today, better take a pic to post of my blog to show the girls *takes picture* is that beached whale me? yep.

What the hell.

Study has been going o.k. One assignment is out of the way and 2 more are due tomorrow ones almost finished and ones 1/2 finished.
I'll be so happy once its all over and I can get back to the gym (I havnt been sinces tues, i think)
I'm going to had to workout like a maniac.

Today was pretty similar to yesterday until about 5pm where i had curry, then hot chips then some chocolate yes i guess you could call it a binge, but i didnt feel full. Anyway, I ended up throwing it up (and loosing 900gm in the process) I'm sorry I know that upsets some of you but when its like that I feel that its necessary.
Anyway these assignments arnt going to finish themselves, sorry for a boring post...
P.s. mum had her operation today and shes fine

Good Intake I think...

B: porridge w/ soy
L vita- weats
S apple + coke zero + low cal hot choc made w/ water
D curry

I'm going to say it was roughly 700 cal thought it may have indeed been less. I guess it could have also been more.. my brain has stopped functioning tonight.

I went for a run this morning, well I tried. I was running and then i got the worst pain near my heart and also in my stomach. So I only made 2.5km :( and i didnt go back cause I've been SUPER busy with uni assignments. hence low intake. don't think i'll see such low number for a while, but I'll try :) I was meant to get my period yesterday and so far I've only been extremely erm... 'gassy'... though I think that may have just been something to do with what i ate over the weekend cause its been like this since last friday. VERY embaressing.

Well anyway, I hope your all doing well. My life is VERY boring at the moment so apologies..

Following on from my last post thought it was necessary to post some pictures of charlize.. (yes Im getting very lazy with my posts..)

Today has been o.k....Uni work is very daunting so I'm posting very quickly today.
I'm doing an assignment on premium brands surviving the recession so I'm research them and their advertising campaigns with are obviosuly exteremly thinspiring...






Obviosuly my fave (george michael and claudz= hothothot!!)




and the MEN are so gorgeous!!!



B: Museli Bar
L: 1 1/2 pieces of toast with butter and cheese (oops)
S: low cal hot choc
D: a slice of chicken meatload small green salad and 1/2 a sweet potato.

I know its bad. I really need to develop some of my old habits but sometimes im just like fuck it this is not going away...

Exercise: 1/2 hour of running and went back to do only 1/2 hour of cros trainer. Also bad but my friend made me feel guilty about not studying for the test i have tomorrow...
I feel so fucking fat. this FAT is NOT leaving. Your all getting so skinny and your going to leave me in fatville.

I just had a glass of milk to resist a binge.
When I was skinny I never counted calories. It never occured to me, I think I thought it was too difficult. Here is a typical day of what i use to eat/do:
Run in the morning (I loved it, couldnt get enough of it)
B: HUGE bowel of cereal
L: Apple and maybe a can of pepsi max
D:small tuna salad
Gym. (20 min run, 20 min cross trainer, 20 min bike, 10 min stepper)
and i would walk to and from school and walk to work.
I wish I could develop these habits again, maybe I will soon. I would cry at night because I would get so frustrated that I could sleep so sometimes mum made me cinnamon toast and of course i hated that i ate it but whatever. I wish mum would even want to make me cinnamon toast, now all she does is tell me to stop eating!

Honestly girls, all i do is fucking whinge, I need to start taking some serious action.

Hi gals
I'm on my blackberry today so no thinspo, again. This weekend has been bad. Very bad.
I had a dinner parrty last night and I made sure not to finish more than a half on my meal.
I did eat a lot before the meal though so I guess it doesn't really count. My boyfriend and I fought all last night again, and made up this morning, but I'm SO tiredn, which has resultesd in poor food choices today. I feel like I'm not very thinspiring lately, I'm sorry. I feel like I take 2 steps foward and one step back.
This week is really bad, I've got 3 assignments due and my mums going into hospital on thursday. I know its not a bit deal because she's only having elective surgery but it still upsets me. I know she's upset by it. When she told me she was practically crying. She's actually quite old. She had me when she's was 41 and now she's 60 and I think it gets to her often which in turn gets to me.
Anyway, she's strong but she'll still be in recovery at home for like 6 weeks. Poor woman will go insane.

I really wish I was more organised. 3 assingments to start and finish by the end of this week.
Ill try and make what time I have for at the gym really count.
Hope your all doing well. Ill start counting calories again a.sap.
I'm really sorry I've been so horrible.
Hopefully I can't figure out how to use this darn phone to check out all your blogs :)

Hey girls,
I ran for 30 mins today without any struggle, wanna know my secret?
Oh well this morning I got on the scales and weighed 69 kilos. oh yes so just gain an imaginary two kilos that never left and 1 real one and you will be fit in no time. success (not)

O and by all means go to the movies with your girlfriends and eat a large popcorn.that will defiantly help.

sorry im so grouchy